Hello and welcome to MY-040.  If you were hoping to find a blog about turning 40 years old, I’m sorry to say this ain’t it – however I invite you to stay and look around; you may find this to be what you need in times of tribulation.

I wrote the words above in August of 2016. I still believe this site can be a place to find something you need in times of tribulation.

When this blog was begun, I was in prison. I was struggling to find my way through that life and survive that environment. As is said about so many things in life, until you have lived it, you have no idea what it is really all about. While in prison, I took advantage of the only gift given to me: time. During my nearly six years away, I worked to look inside and figure out who I was and why I would ever allow myself to commit the crime I did. During this time, I realized I was not living the life I proclaimed where my faith was concerned. I also found I was not taking accountability for my actions as I should have been. Yes, when the authorities showed up at my door, I admitted everything and did so at my hearings as well.

What I mean by not taking accountability is I refused to address the impacts of trauma in my childhood and in so doing, allowed those scars to control my life. I realized:

I WAS ACCOUNTABLE

for dealing with those things, not those who had hurt me. Admitting my crime was not enough. I had to admit to myself that I had chosen to let those offenses destroy me every day and to let them be my moral compass with a “who cares?” attitude.

The journey I wrote of back then is the journey from life without spiritual purpose and being lost in the world to being all God intended me to be. This journey began in my childhood and continues today. To say it is a journey begun is to say that each day brings another step along the way, but more importantly, each day brings the very first step on a new journey begun that new day. It may sound ridiculous, but each day we choose the path of our life’s journey – every single day.

The blog’s name, MY-040, came from the collision of three main themes: the length of God’s punishment of the Israelites when He sent them into captivity (being in exile), my incarceration (being in exile), and the Federal District from which I come – 040. Today I am home but still haunted by these three themes. I will always have been imprisoned and so the realities of exile and the ongoing impacts of having been pulled into the federal system will never fade. Consequently, the blog’s name is as relevant today as it was back in 2016.

More words I wrote in 2016:

This blog is for all those living in a prison of any type, whether it be true incarceration, depression, an abusive relationship, addiction, mental illness, childhood sexual abuse; such a long and sad list cut short.

In 2016, when I wrote about this blog being for prisoners of any sort, I was being a bit literal. Conceptually, we are all prisoners within walls we have constructed or were placed around us at some time. Take me for example, as a child I was sexually abused. Consequently, I built walls around me to keep people out. Today, I have torn those walls down (mostly). Doing so took years of incarceration and many more years of work with a solid therapist. My point is this: if we are willing to look critically at the building blocks of the walls holding us in, then perhaps we can tear those foundational blocks out of the ground, let the walls tumble into rubble, and live a fuller life.

So how do I propose to help people trapped in their personal prisons? My goal is to present alternative ways to look at current events and provide either positive ways to see them or ideas for changes. I am also going to share personal stories and write about how I moved through and past the trauma(s) in them. What I share will be the framework that helped me. I recognize that what helped me may not help others. The corollary to that is others should realize that what helped me may not help them. However, in the end, everyone should recognize that finding help or new perspectives through opening the mind to new ideas will help to make those walls a bit shorter each day.

While here, I ask very little of you:  

1. Please do not post hate of any form, including foul language. There is already enough hate in the world and posting it here is only an indicator of the walls you have. It will not be tolerated and it will not be approved for others to see.
2. If you have positive, constructive ideas on how I might improve this blog, please let me know.

It is one of my sincerest hopes that you will walk my journey with me and find your way out of whatever wilderness, prison, captivity, or exile you find yourself living.  I’ve begun, and am already becoming renewed into a new life.  Unbelievably, I’m finding true freedom behind the razor wire topped fencing.  I hope you’ll enjoy your time here.

Again, welcome. John Doe